just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
