I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
