if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
