I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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