Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
