I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
