phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
