So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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