Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
