you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
