girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
