I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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