his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I supernannyed him into submission
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
