Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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