last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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