So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
