She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
