mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
