im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
