if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize