today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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