I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Two words: blizzard sex
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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