Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
