Just cropdusted the office
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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