i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
