I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
