my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
