it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
