I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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