the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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