Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
