You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
