genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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