we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm at about main and main street
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
