I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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