absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
