you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
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