Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We need to get me chipped asap
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
