She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize