2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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