Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He better not be in your backpack
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
