I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
