Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Alive.
So much puke
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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