You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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