he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
