1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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