hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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