i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Green mimosas i think yes
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
