just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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