It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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