I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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