So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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