He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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