she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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