She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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