Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
