I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
