Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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