I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
