There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
