no, he came in my armpit
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
