**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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