So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
