My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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