i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
