it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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