Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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