There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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